Protectors Of Nature: Story Excerpt

-
Hey everybody! So, my first book in my book series Protectors Of Nature has about 2450 words now, but there's still a long way to go! Anyway, I don't know what cover page I should draw. Maybe you could help me. Alright, so you're asking what's the name of this book, right? I think I've settled on The Quest Begins because it's rather suitable. Here's your story excerpt!



_______________________________________________________________

A starry gale swept across the terrains, ruffling Kabsyah’s scarf. She got a tighter grip on her dappled grey pony, knowing that it might bolt to the stable because of the misty night. But she had nearly reached, and, anyway, Splash wasn’t afraid of foggy darkness. They reached as she jumped off with surprising skill. Kabsyah was small-framed, but an excellent horse rider.
 She stabled up Splash and leaped up the ladder, her hands and feet barely touching the bars. She entered the tree house, and prayed Isha. All the others were asleep. Kabsyah fetched her little pillow from the corner and her soft blanket, and cuddled in her hammock. Sleepily she blew out the candle. The tree house was in darkness, except for the moon shining in at the window.
                                                ***
Rawdah was the first to wake up. She brushed her teeth, and got her jacket. Rawdah squeezed in the tiny cubicle they had made for their changing clothes. She came out, fully dressed. Running down the short lane for her pony, Flight, she glanced behind as she saw a shadow sweeping across the skies. 


The end of this excerpt is not that good and it is very short, but I will be posting a longer one soon.
If you have any reviews on this, do let me know!

Comments

  1. KenzaAugust 10, 2018 at 9:08 PM

    Wow this is such a beautifully written story excerpt! I was fully grasped by the atmospheric details of the surrounding lively night encircling Kabsyah and her pony. It's interesting how you switched between two perspectives: Kabsyah's, later followed by Rawdah's. It's almost as if one of your characters represents night and the other represents day (it may not have been intentional but it plays an intriguing part in this particular excerpt!). I really admire the way the extract began with an enchanting setting description, later to be wrapped up with a powerful cliff-hanger. This excerpt may be short but it tells us so much, which I think is a great writing skill to have; I really like this for instance: "She stabled up Splash and leaped up the ladder, her hands and feet barely touching the bars." - this adds truthful emphasis to the fact you stated earlier about Kabsyah being an excellent horse rider. We also get the impression she's had a busy day! (Great use of varying lengths in those sentences!) Keep writing and one day you could become a published author! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Sub-DomainApril 13, 2019 at 7:43 PM

      Thanks! Although it got deleted. I'm writing a new version of this story.

      Delete

Post a Comment

if you're going to comment, do! I love comments! make sure it isn't anything rude please <3

Popular posts from this blog

Frozen 2 - movie review

-
I'm writing this right after an hour since I came back from the cinema and let me tell you, Frozen 2 was a treat! Amazing, amazing, amazing!  I was so charmed by it, and my mother sitting next to me literally started fangirling over the water spirit (something I'd never thought she'd do!) Review starts here! Movie name:  Frozen 2 My rating: 5 stars My review: Each scene of this amazing movie is eye candy. The comedy is there, thrown in by Olaf. The intense, sad, scary moments are there, and there is a time when it looks like both sisters are gone for good. I would say that I actually liked this better than the original. Anna finally takes the role of a hero, and Elsa's personality becomes more developed, more than just the protective older sister. We're seeing the next "Let It Go" with the song "Into The Unknown", both of which are remotely similar. The movie was basically a musical - there are about 8-9 songs in it. Each spirit is d...
Read more

Ember Falls - book review

-
Image
As I promised, here is a review of Ember Falls, the second book in the Green Ember series! I do  have more important things to do than write book reviews (such as worry about the characters in Ember's End, which are currently in mortal peril - I'm halfway through the book), but who's judging? No one is!                                            Okay, so where do I begin? This book is a great follow-up to The Green Ember, and I loved it. I don't knooooow how to review it, because it seems very hard to review without spoiling.  Well. I'll have to try. Ember Falls was exhilarating. It was intense. It was thrilling. Okay, maybe not thrilling. That belongs to the third book. But yeah.  Many of the plot twists were unexpected. There was one I saw coming a little early on, maybe because it had been hinted in the first book (a certain betrayal) but it doesn't matter. It ...
Read more

The Green Ember - book review

-
Image
Hi! Today I'm reviewing one of my favorite books (and will review the rest in the series)! I actually kind of thank Covid-19 for happening, because if it hadn't then Audible would have never put out a free collection of books for kids, and I never would have seen the cover and go, "I'm listening to this." So, um, thank you, Covid-19. Anyway...                                                                 *royal trumpet screeches* The Green Ember is probably one of my favorite books to date. It has awesome epic fights, awesome epic plot twists, and awesome epic sibling relationships. (Sorry, Frozen.) Heather and Picket are two ordinary rabbits living an ordinary life with their parents, and baby brother Jacks in a place called Nick Hollow which looks straight out of a Tinker Bell movie. But the sweet little plot goes epic and aw...
Read more